Kipp’s Guide to Getting the Real Metro Experience



As Free Public Transport Day approaches, Kipp assembles a guide for first-time Metro users

As it commemorates its fifth anniversary, the RTA will be offering free travel all day for holders of a Nol card on November 1. The move comes as part of an effort to increase the number of residents using public transport from the current 12 percent to 34 percent within the next ten years.

Kipp’s an avid user of public transport and is shocked to hear of long-time Dubai residents who have still not used the Metro despite its being open for a year. If this describes you, then let the incentive of saving a few dirhams and trying something new make November 1 the day you will ride the Dubai Metro. Approaching a crowded train at rush hour for the first time can be a daunting thought, so Kipp’s written eight short tips to ensure every first-time Metro rider the real Dubai Metro experience.

1) As soon as the words “Mahata kadhima” (arabic annoucment of the train’s arrival a minute in advance) ring through the platform, crowd in front of the entrance. As soon as the doors open, ensure maximum confusion by butting into those exiting the train and by grabbing anything you can.

2) Once in the train, hover as close as is humanly possible to seated passengers with the hope that your body odor will win you a seat. Tried and tested maneuvers that produce best results includes sticking one’s stomach, or that flabbiest part of one’s body, to the head of seated passenger.

3) Should your attempts prove unsuccessful, press up against silver poles so that nobody else can use them for support. Ensure your body and greasy hair are covering the pole in its entirety. If there are no poles available for your support, using force: prise fellow passengers’ hands from poles by shoving your own onto the nearest pole.

4) Once happily situated on Metro, do not look out of the window. Instead, look into the contents of your fellow passengers’ hand bags/ mobile screens/ lap top / clothing. Do not be afraid to be obvious about your curiosity and, if necessary, shift your entire body into a compromising position to reach optimum prying capacity.

5) In the event, your fellow passengers are not carrying anything of interest, initiate a staring competition, regardless of your competitor’s consent. Remember, the more stalkerish, creepy and dangerous you appear, the more likely you will win.

6) As you approach your destination, be as obtrusive as you can to ensure that you are in front of the door as soon as possible. Even if that involves pressing up against every passenger and crushing a few toes in the cabins five minutes before your stop.

7) On arrival at your station, push everyone, including incoming passengers, to ensure that you arrive at the Metro elevator first. When elevator door opens, do not allow passengers to exit the lift.

8 ) Once at the check-out point, do not use Nol card until a healthy queue has assembled behind you, and then slap the card down a couple of times until you are confident the system is faulty. Make a ceremony of pushing past the assembled crowd as you try to get back to the information desk for assistance.